"Jack, are you going to hurt us on Death Mountain?"


Made this map for session 3, and they ended up seeing none of it. Such is life. Yes, I made Vornheim into a port city.

The party had Stoner impersonate missing Lord Thrawl so that they could command the city and prepare it for the elven invasion. They get all Vornheim's nobles together and Stoner - the naive idealist - starts to tell them that he's going to start stripping their power and giving Vornheim to the people. He is honestly shocked when this doesn't work. "No! My utopia!" he cries, as the more pragmatic Cray stabs an unruly noble in the back and they're forced to slaughter them all.

With most nobles dead, they hand the city over to the medusa Eshgriel (secretly working for the elves) and the armies over to Mercy (secretly under the control of Eshgriel). However, they also accidentally foil several traitorous plots, unearth the ancient Fight King, and stop Vornheim's navy from becoming it's own city-state.

When they've made sure the city won't collapse as soon as they leave, they take the army out to ambush the elves at Suicide Forest. ("Why not ambush them at the city?" "No, that'd be suicide".) On the way, their alien Benefactors return to bug them about going to Death Mountain. They decide to drop off there on the way and leave the army in Suicide Forest. This goes exactly as well as you'd expect.

Surrounded by 60 zombies in the depths of Death Mountain, a critical hit turns Stoner ghostly and insubstantial, making all his armour fall off him. Cray grabs the armour as he sprints past and awkwardly pulls it over his head. The warrior materializes again, far behind and naked, so thief tries to pull off the armour and throw it back to him - but critically fails an agility check and ends up removing his own original leather armour and throwing it, leaving him with the awkward warrior armour crammed over his head. Stoner tries to grab the leather armour, but critically fails and boots it into a nearby zombie, which eats him.

Now, Dungeon Crawl Classics gives you a chance to survive once you hit 0 HP - if someone recovers your body within an hour, and you roll under your Luck score. Stoner's luck score was 5. There's only a 25% chance he's alive. But Miserly the Elf does the heroic thing, grits his teeth and turns back to save him, only a few meters away from the exit. He fights back through the horde, picks Stoner up - and he rolls a 4. Stoner, against all odds, jerks up coughing.

Cray the thief- ambushed at one HP - tries a last-ditch attempt to summon the Benefactors for help, and only hears a strange whine and "Co-ordinates received" before being slaughtered. Miserly, running with Stoner on his back, hears a muffled boom from outside. The ceiling starts crumbling in. He tries to make a floating platform, and fails.

There's only one option left. He cuts off some fingers, summons the Fates, and relinquishes his true name ("Tim"). With that extra push he manages to form the platform, dump Cray and Stoner on it, and surf the fuck out of there. He bursts out into the smell of zombies crisply burning from an orbital strike, and flies down the mountain as the ground caves in under him and more zombies crawl from their graves around him. Cray, impressively, is still alive.

Now the elves have taken Vornheim, Vornheim's own army is laying siege to it, about ten thousand zombies are moving across the land, and the Benefactors are travelling towards earth. It seems basically inevitable that they will end up using the zombies to kill the elves and the aliens to kill the zombies and cthulhu to kill the aliens and so on until they are fleeing into space as some massive force consumes earth.